200,966 notes
  

poutyowl:

i am perfectly fine with having other people sit on my lap but i can’t sit on other people’s laps because i’m always paranoid that i’d crush them and they’d diE

74,507 notes
  

chiblogger:

chiblogger:

GUYS HELP SOMETHING HAS BEEN TAPPING ON MY WINDOW FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES I’M SCARED TO GO LOOK

oh my gOD

91,874 notes
  

forever-classyx:

Oh my gosh people, be nice to your waiter/waitress, it’s not their fault that your food is cold or if it’s under cooked.  Be nice to the cashiers who are still training and can’t ring up your items as quickly as you want.  If a stranger smiles and says hello to you, smile and say hello back!  It’s just common courtesy, I don’t understand why people have to be so rude.

8,891 notes
  

wartortles:

sir please leave the caption writing for people who are actually funny

183 notes
  

fartgallery:

i just pulled a muscle in my neck dancing to a song from a youtube ad

27,309 notes
  

antst00fs:

I can’t believe the soda company from Hey Arnold bought Tumblr

22,511 notes
  

squidwurd:

squidwurd:

i burn calories by insulting them

“hey calories your mom is ugly hahaha BURN!”

18,660 notes
  

yourfriendg00:

cute nicknames for your significant other:

• old sport
• old sport
• old sport
• old sport
• old sport
• old sport
• old sport

48,591 notes
  

reasons to date me:
-i can pick stuff up with my feet sometimes
-ive never killed a man (yet)
-i once got 95% on guitar hero
-you can play with my hair
-im cheaper than a puppy

11,845 notes
  

bepeu:

what i learned in high school

• you can pass some classes by being friends with the teacher 
• there is more than one kind of cool
• if you write just random things on some homework then you may still get some point but the teacher will pull you aside because she is worried about you
• not all food is edible
• who cares

45,538 notes
  

richwhitelesbian:

we need some new and more powerful swears